I lost everything to a marriage like this including my loved ones, my health, my mind, and my ability to work. So, once again, in order to challenge our loneliness, we have to challenge the negative filter through which we see ourselves and the world around us. Why am I not clever as other people? I'm the oldest of three children, and I know that parents favour one of their children over the other. I hear alot of women commenting, women like to talk so why they don’t talk to certain ones or men? Annie, Why Do So Many People Respond Negatively to Being Loved? We have to stay strong all of us! If I never went back to my office again would anyone notice I wasn’t there? Again, I would like to thank you for your thoughts and hope one day I will figure out what is wrong with me. You’re infringing on social rules that most people pick up as children/teens. I live alone and, outside of work, no one speaks to me, calls/texts me, or visits me. I’ve tried everything, but I just really don’t know what’s so unlikeable about me. I have friends and I help them all and I take care of them. I don’t know about that. But nobody likes me. I’m thinking about it. Especially the bit about people more/less rude, smart, boring, shy, selfish etc all seeming to have no difficulty in attracting friends. Don’t have kids whatever you do, they will use them to hurt u however they can. It is the end of my first semester away at college and I feel very very lonely, anxious, and depressed. Men only want beautiful, perfect, pretty, stunning women – women like me, who can only look ok with makeup, don’t stand a chance in hell. I always notice it’s the rude demanding people who always get noticed and have everyone trying to please them. But I tell her love God love your self. I am lonely and it can be very hard to think positively and not give into negative ruminating thoughts. Whether its old “friends”, family, or coworkers it doesn’t work out This article is not accurate. I feel for you , the only thing my family value about me , is that they got rid of me . So what became of this I gave up ever being too close, that’s not to say I’m unfriendly just extremely independent & quite happy in my own company I won’t waste time to take on anymore hurt. It keeps me inside a lot of the time and I have no opportunities to make friends. Tim, I’m jealous of people who are happier than me…. You’re nobody until someone wants you. It didn’t work. I am kidding myself thinking our marriage can be salvaged? People who do not go deep may feel uncomfortable around deep people, perhaps they don’t want to be discovered and only want to be around the people who can be fun at non-deep levels. i am in the same bote, i feel alone, no one likes me and i stay clear from social events just cause i have already decided that they will not like me anyway. Other people constantly devalue us and treat us like some kind of undesirable other. Im just a big fat ugly person, my friend told me to ask someone out, but I got rejected, because Im ugly. My inner voice tells me that what I’m seeking I will never be able to find. I don’t understand why people don’t like me, I’m not an ugly girl, I’m not mean, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Not worth anyone’s time. This sounds EXACTLY like narcissistic abuse. All my life i felt unwanted useless ugly and worthless and after being married all those feelings have crept back. Required fields are marked *, The Latest The Challenge of Receiving “Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with…. It’s is way better living by yourself then with people who will ignore and make you feel self-conscious all day long. I’m just a bad person, I understand things that so many others don’t see. In short, I had and still am, a loner. Make no mistake…there are really mean people in this world that can really mess with your head, and these types travel in groups. People don’t include me either but it’s ok. Because I know someday that people will like me because I’m fun. It’s like everyone else emanates some kind of invisible glue that makes other humans stick to them, and we are somehow born without that. I m ugly, useless and stupid. I have friends I talk to online but as always they are there for a while and then just loose interest. I help people and I’m reading all of this and realizing that life just doesn’t work out for all of us huh. I’ve always had a positive attitude towards making friends and meeting people. Practice paying attention in the moment with curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love (Look up Seigl C.O.A.L on mindfulness and awareness). Get educated and get out. It starts from the family you are born to. William you are amazing and I bet if you let yourself shine everyone will like you. Now I am about to live on my own again and I am prepping myself to deal with the thoughts of loneliness that I know that I will feel. They will not get better. I’m financially very stable. Growth is like that — you may not know where you’ll precisely end up, but you should always be passionate about growth and know where you want to head. :)), Where and how do you find no friends? I’m so sorry for you. I’m a unique and worthy person who deserves friendship. She says I always badger her about my problems etc but yet she does it to me with her weight issues but I always listen and when she tells me to tell her how I’m feeling it’s like all I get back is all I care about is self. As a child, I was always left out but really, really wished other kids would like me. Please know that you DO make a difference in this world…, I just recently moved away from home and started college. I do meet with a therapist but I even have this voice when talking to her, it tells me that she won’t understand and that she will think im making it up just to get medicine or something. I cannot beg. Even if it’s not a single direction, mixing disciplines and skillsets will create a unique fusion that no one else has, and that’s a strong reason to love your uniqueness. But deep down my heart I always feel lonely, I am a boy and I cry almost daily and deprived of sleep. I can’t even get out of the tub without help. I know it’s not what people want to hear, but do you believe that Jesus is our God? Jesus. I will try to do the same as well from now on. Put on a happy song, think back to one of your happier times.. do you not smile? Or when my first wife was always “tired” after work and on the weekends. I get suicidal sometimes from loneliness though I work and volunteer. Step Two: Think about where these critical attitudes come from. I was lazy for years and didn’t think I could change my negative thinking. We can notice the times it seeps in and tampers with the filter through which we see ourselves and the world around us. And what is going on here? They want you to be upset. But if her kids did or didn’t do something it wasn’t them to blame it was their kids. I worthless to others especially the ones that went to college or has an important job & has what seems the life I wanted for myself and kids. Don’t you see how stupid you sound? If I don’t put forth exceeding amounts of effort I won’t have any social interactions at all. I have a couple of friends, but they are usually busy with their families. Probably to late but I refuse to die so send some luck to all of us in this boat we’ll maybe find each other!!! I am getting much better but still battle with these emotions and feel that God Is showing me that I will never truly find happiness trying to relate to people. No one wanted to know why I did some things. Sometimes I feel I was meant to be born on another planet in another galaxy, where I fit in perfectly and other people “get me” and like me. It’s depressing. How is my inner critic actually altering my behavior? I’m not an introvert, but I have always suffered from short term memory loss, so small talk and situations where discussions change rapidly from one thing to another, means that by the time I’ve decided what I want to say, the moment has passed and I end up feeling an ‘idiot’, because what they are now discussing is something completely different. When I do reach out to others it often feels like I am inviting myself or pushing myself upon people, which also leaves me feeling insecure that it’s only an act of pity, sense of obligation or guilt that compells them to spend time with me. How else would we know the way we feel, and be here trying to fix our, “ills” in a society of “ills”. Don’t beat yourself up. I try but I’m truly not lovable or likable. Knowing that my thoughts and feelings of being unloved and unwanted will always come and go is helpful. I know I am shy but I push myself out there. I guess. You can actively try to divert your mind and start to notice how this voice influences your behavior. It’s a handicap when you’re as introverted and damaged as I am. It may bring us up too! I’m tired of wasting my energy on people who clearly don’t deserve it. Why I don’t have any friends? I’m not shy but I’m not obnoxious. I need to start being a jerk in order to dazzle people and leave some sort of lasting impression. I get angry and decide I’m going to say what I think but I don’t because I know it will backfire on me as it has in the past. But if the problems come it you it comes at. They embrace my flaws. Lounik, try to get away from having to lie. Now we at least have internet so you can discuss your interest in a group or something. I m pursuing degree course i dnt like to meet relatives.It make me feel they will ask questions or what they want.I feel so i think because i m nt beautiful nt yet got a degree i older than my freinds. Parents are their child’s, first love. Love is a compass that guides the building of a well-knit family. I found peace and self-love.. confidence. She loves me the best way she knows how. No one has ever loved me. I try to meet new people but I can’t get past the aquantaince stage. She sounds like my mom who’s a narcissist and can’t say one nice thing about me. Since I started school, I’ve walked around the playground by myself. Wow, I can relate so much. However, I notice you mentioned things like, “when your friend doesn’t text you back right away”. Just recently after all these years of my father not being in my life I just found out that he committed suicide a couple of years back and it has also made me deal with myself a lot because many years of negative through will take you to a very bad place. I’ll probably never look for friendships the traditional way again (at work, bars, etc). I’m in my early 30s and I suffer from extreme social anxiety and I have no friends. I wish someone would point out what I’m doing ‘wrong’ when I interact with other people, I feel that I’ve managed to withdraw myself to the point that I just come across as someone who isn’t approachable, or maybe I just don’t recognise the non-verbal signals that people use, and because I don’t respond to them, I’m considered as someone who keeps everyone at arms-length. I read an article that says if you look at ppl coming towards you in the eye they will move, it seemed to work. I love to laugh with others (not at others). So, I’m left with ‘I’m dammed if I do and I’m dammed if I don’t’. Even the good grandkids need to just put up with the bad when they visit never says anything to the bad oh she may say something behind their backs but we’re not allowed to comment. I bought kinect for me and my gf for her weight issue etc and she still whinges about weight but if it’s my problem I’m apparently putting it on to her. Or at least on people who can’t be more considerate with their words or actions. That’s your power. Ever since I was five I have talked to myself in deep conversation because talking to others was difficult. */. Hans. Sometimes when I feel especially lonely I just hide in the library. Why did you stay? Love -- kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship -- is not only difficult to find, but is even more challenging…, One of the most fascinating things about working in psychology is the chance to explore the invisible forces that shape…, The tabloids and reality TV shows documenting the erratic, out-of-control behaviors associated with drinking and drugging may be giving us…, In our second Experts at Home conversation, Dr. Lisa Firestone talks with mindfulness expert Dr. Donna Rockwell. This got really bad to the point where I was even violently attacked. Always. I thought this was my unique experience. Just keep looking for one another. So, if your inner critic tells you to stay in seclusion or to keep your mouth shut at a party, uncomfortable as it may feel at first, you have to find a way to not indulge in the behavior. I'm doing my best to be kind and understanding. I see people avoid me. Hopefully next time I feel like that, I’ll reach out like you did, get reminded again, and laugh. But I then I developed that guilt & regret & stupid& sorrow toward myself & how I am made to feel. I had two friends in my lifetime, and both times they didn’t want to spend any time with me, they just wanted to use me. Unless, of course, you hold on to them. I have been told no one likes me over and over again all my life. They want you to just shut up.” It’s important to get a hold on what situations trigger your critical inner voice and what that voice is saying to you in those moments. I almost would prefer to be invisible. Just my thoughts. Since I was a child May God bless you. Some of the psychological effects of feeling lonely include focusing on exclusion instead of inclusion. It is like no fight can be so small that he won’t try to get even with me. Once we lose confidence or our sense of self, we’ll no longer act like ourselves. It mean that u are the best and nobody want Hope you get to come and read this. I am 50 years old, a successful healthcare professional and still feel like that worthless little girl. Now I live back in Oregon, and a friend of mine, a black guy, just uploaded a playlist of Pink Floyd and punk rock to the cloud for his students. Well, nobody likes me, either. The way I was treated as a child growing up living in a abusive home, with toxic parents, other toxic family..I had to learn how to survived. I u d’état and where you are at and thanks for sharing . I experienced this at a very young age and still exposed to this negative behavior. Sorry …, Lucie, thank you for saying all of that. My father was alcoholic and he never bothered much in family life. Even in bed! Yeah, right? Sometimes I’m like “is this even real? But still, in public, when no one knows me or meets me for the first time, that’s it. yeah — and what do you do when your own mother tells you point blank and directly that nobody in the family likes you? God bless Jamil. It can be a highly subconscious and seamless part of our thought process, making it hard to recognize. “Your experience about being in/out of foster homes and your family background is encouraging,” says Dora on “I have had a tough childhood with abandonment, alcoholism, abuse, etc. There are endless battles to be fought, and many people quit after just losing one. Yes it does. They discuss…, In this exclusive PsychAlive video series, Dr. James Gilligan talks about what triggers violent behavior and how to treat violent…, PsychAlive is intended as an educational resource. I’ve reached out repeatedly and tried to spend time with them over a prolonged period of time, but…nothing. it’s tough but we’re all in this together. I want a girlfriend. : ). It’s the same for me. you need that support. You need that dream life and that amazing house with a supportive family and no racism. I’ve been there but it didn’t stop with just one person. Why are you sad Misster? Why does no body ever message me and ask how I’m doing? Add to this workplace bullying, numerous insults, slights, and precious few social invitations, and I am appalled that the best science can do for me is to tell me it’s “all in my head.” Dare I suggest that the cognitive therapy (essentially doing battle with one’s own perceptions) that the therapists and insurance companies are pushng leaves much to be desired? My mind went to dark and self destructive places. Literally. I often feel like no one loves me. Something or someone that causes harm chaos. I don’t have a job and my family don’t really contact me even though I’m pregnant. We experience it because its evident in everything that happens with other people. I tried several groups before I found one I liked. I’m so insecure now and have no confidence and I know the inner voice is right. I see people with hope in their eyes waiting for that phone call or that miracle. There are even certain structural and biochemical differences in the lonely brain. I am currently Ill with heart disease and have had 2 recent TIA’s. There waiting for you and will give you 100% unconditional love. People who feel lonely tend to view the world differently. My brother passed away in his sleep due to natural causes, and no one found him until two days later! When I was around 10 I made up my inner voice and named her Canny, but she’s more of a harsh but loving friend. Some of my white friends excluded me because they knew my parents were black. I had another child & stopped staying over, during the festive season. If you refuse to believe the lie that you are unlovable and unworthy then you will start to see more love in your life. Im quite shy around people idk so that makes it hard for me to make friends. I’ve suffered this for over 60 years, some of it I know is shame / guilt based, because I have a disability which no-one talks openly about, (incontinence) there isn’t a medical procedure that can put it right. I meanwhile make a marginally bigger effort for other people and when it’s not reciprocated I feel taken advantage of and angry. In this case the key to making friends would be to cure your emotional dependency, give YOURSELF all the love and acceptance you need so that instead of begging it from others you can GIVE them love and kindness. I’m 31, live at home, don’t drive, and have no job because I’m a neurotic coward. My heart breaks for you as I read your words. Sarah is right…this sounds like an abusive relationship. What caught my attention most about your comment is when you talk about losing your personality because I have been there. Why is this happening? I always feel sad about myself. Allow me to say this—Your family loves you, I’m sure. You are understood, at least, by me. In addition a GOOD B complex…one a day is very important too as the Bs work synergistically. That’s what you owe most. Yes this exactly, you put yourself out there and are terrific, just to realize that you still don’t meet par, they’re just being polite and really want nothing to do with you, and you can feel it, you can tell they aren’t really interested, shifting uncomfortably waiting for the moment they can get away. You’re right, this article is addresses people struggling with the demons that lower self esteem and loneliness rather than finding people who can tolerate/like/enjoy our company. Hans, Your email address will not be published. That was supposed to be who I thought as a friend & who for one visit started to get spiritual counseling to let my daughter see that it wasn’t wrong to get help, to let her see I would be willing to do that to help her & me for a relationship. Sometimes it’s just the truth of who we are – we simply are truly that ugly, that unattractive, that less-than-100% perfect, that means people, especially men, don’t like us, won’t even give us the time of day, won’t even deign to spit on our shoes, because we’re not even enough to get past that first social hurdle of looks. Even if it’s a complete stranger I just feel like they don’t like me and are judging me. We just have to do us and say F the world. I avoid mirrors as much as possible and rarely go out without make-up on because of my acne. Identifying where your voices may have originally formed can help you to have self-compassion and distinguish these old attitudes from your current reality. 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